Reading: This little blog post about being chosen. For some reason, I know HUNDO P - God has placed foster care and adoption on this fragile heart of mine. I do not know what that looks like or who it goes with, but I know I have the same feeling every time I talk to someone about adoption - God bumps and the quiet whisper of, "Hey Hannah, I created you to do this."
& another blog post by the same author, about being in community and doing it just for the one. I'm picturing this in my head, and it's so incredibly beautiful and these are the types of things I want to do with my life. Shoot, this is just the most beautiful image to me. Can I see the image through my tears? NO NOT REALLY.
Also this quote from Annie F. Downs & her book, Let's All Be Brave -
"It may be a relationship or a job or a city or some money or old hurts. When it is time to let go, you know it. Your hands long to ungrip, but your heart begs them to hold one. But only in letting go are your hands free to grab on to the next thing.
Someday, I'll look back on the cold nights conversation and know what it was all worth. I'll know why having vacant hands made all the difference.
But for today, I still don't know. Courage doesn't tell you to let go when you know what to grab next. Brave people let go when it's time to let go.
And so I turn these empty hands skyward, trusting they are better off this way."
And then this little diddy. We sang it in church yesterday and it evoked a bunch of feels.
You're Not You, a movie with Hilary Swank, where she plays an ALS patient - this movie made me WEEP. I watched the preview at work and immediately, two girls came to be signed into residence and I had to explain to them why I was crying. Then I watched the movie that night (I believe it was a direct to DVD thing), and silently wept through the whole thing. Which, if you know me, is a pretty rare occurrence unless I'm home, watching a sad movie with my mom. Give it a watch maybe?
On Thanksgiving, I watched this video on repeat and got incredibly teary eyed. It still does it to me - nothing like a lil Kid President & Grover to get you all emotional.
I've been going to two churches lately in Toronto - one meets in the morning, and one meets in the evening. I love going to a huge church in the morning, barely able to contain us all. I love sitting in a school auditorium with a band that sometimes sounds like Mumford and Sons. And I love going to a church that is an adventure and a half to get to in the evenings, with less than 50 of us in a room, but all worshipping our hearts out and engaging in regular community.
Both make my heart ridiculously happy.
But yesterday, at my morning church, my pastor fielded some questions after preaching on how Jesus is the Lord of the storms and how we can take rest knowing Jesus will carry us through the storm. A quiet voice asked, "I know that Jesus will carry me through the storm - but how can my non-Christian friends experience this peace when they're going through their storms?"
My pastor said, "I don't know." And then he began to get teary eyed and wept for them. It was this incredibly beautiful moment. I can't even quite put it into words. I don't really know how, except seeing my pastor's heart break for something that also breaks mine was really humbling.
I sat in my auditorium chair, listening quietly as I heard my pastor emotionally explain his heartbreak, and I felt little tears sneaking up, thinking, "You're speaking to what my heart is breaking for."