Confessions of a Gym Hater & Scaredy Cat

I hate going to the gym. I hate hate hate it. I hate walking there. I hate feeling like I have to walk up the stairs because I'm going to the gym so the escalator is no longer appropriate. I hate putting on shorts because it's #NoShaveNovember. (Kidding about that one. Kind of.) I hate going on machines and looking like a tool. I hate sweating. I hate weights. I hate awkwardly waiting for machines. I hate working out next to people.

I dislike a lot of things about the gym, I guess.

But because I have made the stupid enlightened decision to delete Facebook from my life, I now have an immense amount of free time in my life and am looking for more creative ways to procrastinate. Ryerson Rams games only take up so much time. Plus I had a rude awakening on a scale a little while ago and One Direction came out with a song that makes me want to DO STUFF, so when I'm bored, I've started to go to the gym.

It's a recent, uncharacteristic development which made my roommate's jaw drop. But it's scary as hell.

It comes down to one more big dislike of mine: I hate not knowing what I'm doing. I'm not great at a lot of things, and I'm not really sure if there's one thing that I excel at.

(Except cheering. I excel at awkwardly cheering.)

But whatever I engage in, I know what I'm doing. I'm not always organized, but my next step is always planned. I'm always thinking about what I'm doing next because I have to know. Even when I say I don't know what's next, I have a mind full of knowledge about the paths I'm probably going to take.

When I get to working out, I have no clue what I am doing. It's similar to why I also don't like cooking - I don't know what I'm doing and I'm scared someone's going to tell me I'm doing it wrong. I'm scared I'm doing it wrong. I'm scared everyone's secretly - or not even secretly - laughing at me.

I'm shaking in my sneakers, people.

I'm not good with the unknown. It freaks me right out. But I think I might have to start confronting it. Which freaks me out even more.

Because not knowing what we're doing can lead to some pretty incredible growth. They say when you step out of your comfort zone, magic happens. How else am I supposed to get my letter to Hogwarts if I don't step out of my zone? (And if you don't know Harry Potter at all, sorry not sorry for that reference.) And I'm also a big believer in the idea that failure is a necessary part of life. Apparently I'm also a big believer in the idea that failure is a necessary part of everyone else's lives, but my life is exempt from this.

Sometimes, you have to face the fear. Sometimes, you have to stop thinking about it and start doing it. Even if you're scared. Even if you look stupid. Even if everyone laughs. Even if you fail.

So I'll say it - today might be the day I try out those medicine ball exercises and start looking at the gym in a new way. Less hatred, more magic.

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